Refers to a lifestyle relationship in which partners are living together full time in an erotic power exchange. The term is an abbreviation of 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Common abbreviation for adult baby.
Common abbreviation for adult baby diaper lover.
Common abbreviation for adult baby.
One who gets erotic and/or emotional pleasure from acting and/or being treated like an infant, toddler, or very young child.
Role play based on specific age identity, often when a dominant assumes the role of an adult and the submissive assumes the role of a child. Age play is usually role play only, but some extend it to a lifestyle and always remain in role.
Someone who is sexually attracted to both men and women with an androgynous appearance.
Someone who is sexually attracted to men.
Fantasy role play in which the dominant is an animal trainer/owner and the submissive is an animal. Pony play and dog play are the two most popular forms this takes. Other popular animal roles include cats, kittens, tigers, pigs, cows, and worms. Activities may include obedience training, exercise training, paper training, crate training, caging, harnessing, driving, and riding.
Any play involving the ass.
Someone who does not experience sexual attraction.
Someone who prefers masturbation to sexual activity with others.
A type of punishment involving beating the soles of the feet.
Acronym for bondage and discipline. Also written as BD or B/D. The term is properly used to refer to bondage and discipline without pain (S&M) and defined power roles (D&S).
Acronym for bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism.
A hairy gay man, often large and/or muscular, who typically smokes cigars and wears certain clothing often associated with the distinction like denim and leather.
The use of a belt during punishment.
Someone who is heterosexual when it comes to sex, but who will do BDSM and/or kink with same sex partners.
Someone who is heterosexual, but may be willing to explore bisexual scenarios within a power dynamic.
Striking with a light bundle of twigs, traditionally made from the birch tree.
Often shortened to "birch." A bundle of leafless twigs bound together to form an implement for administering corporal punishment. Contrary to what the name suggests, a birch rod is not a single rod and is not necessarily made from birch twigs, but can also be made from various other strong and smooth branches of trees or shrubs, such as willow.
Someone who is sexually attracted to two genders.
Temporarily blocking the sense of sight. It is a common technique in BDSM scenes. It can make the bottom feel more vulnerable and help them concentrate. It is essential to the sorts of abrasion and surface play games where everyday objects are used to give unexpected sensations.
Radical S&M play involving cutting, piercing, or anything else which deliberately draws blood.
Making alterations to the appearance of the body. This includes tattooing, branding, corseting, piercing, binding, cutting, and any other things people do to alter their body in primitive ways.
When a submissive takes care of all the Dominant's bodily needs, acting as a trained servant in bathing, shaving, hairstyling, manicures, pedicures, and other hygiene and grooming rituals.
Oral service by a submissive to a dominant, including licking, sucking, and kissing. It implies no taboos or inhibitions about oral contact with any and all body parts.
The restriction of the body's movements using any method. This can be any part of or the entire body. There are three basic types; suspension, compression, and extension.
Submissive, usually gay, male who has a fetish for leather boots worn by tops, and who frequently works at a leather bar or charitable event shining shoes. The conclusion to the shoe shining often is oral service to the boots.
A common practice for domination and humiliation purposes or sometimes just as a means of indulging a fetish for boots.
Also known as submissive, sub, subbie, boy, girl, or slave. The person who is the recipient of stimulation, bondage, pain, etc. in a BDSM scene. The bottom may or may not have a power relationship with the top.
Widely applied to male submissives. The title has special meaning in gay leather culture, where it may also refer to the submissive partner in a Daddy/boy relationship. Also used in lesbian culture to denote a male-identified (but biologically female) bottom.
The use of a hot metal object to scar the body. Sometimes seen as the "ultimate" act of submission.
A form of edge-play where the lack of oxygen is used for stimulation. The top restricts the bottom's ability to breathe, either by constricting the neck or by blocking the mouth or nose. It's important to point out that this is done for extremely tiny intervals, and seldom to the point of unconsciousness. This form of play is extremely dangerous, especially when done alone. Many have died during this form of play.
Being pooped on or doing the pooping on someone. Often the giver will take an enema and spray it over the receiver.
A very long and heavy plaited leather whip.
Toy used in some play piercing games. A board with a hole cut in it is placed over the male genitals. The cock and balls are pulled through the hole and the skin of the edges of the cock and scrotum is pinned with needles or nails to the board.
Object designed to be inserted into the rectum and shaped so that it stays in position by trapping the sphincter between the bulk of the plug and the wide flanged base.
Form of bondage, beloved of those into prisoner and animal training scenes, where the submissive is placed in a cage and kept there for a period of time.
Striking with a thin flexible rod, traditionally made of rattan, as in the old-style school punishment, typically across the buttocks.
A multi-tailed whip with weighted and/or cutting ends, from the traditional naval punishment implement, the Cat o' Nine Tails.
A flexible tube used in medical scenes. Most often a Foley catheter, which has a balloon that can be inflated with sterile water to hold it in place, once inserted. It is inserted into the bladder, via the penis or vagina, as a form of control in S&M play. The bottom can be forced to release his/her bladder, sometimes into a container from which the bottom is made to drink his/her own urine, which is sterile.
Acronym for cock and ball torture. Refers to any sadistic play with male genitalia.
In S&M circles, most likely to mean banning or physically preventing someone from achieving orgasm or any form of genital stimulation in the long term, usually as a means of asserting domination. Also known as enforced chastity (EC). A device intended for this purpose is known as a chastity belt or a chastity device. Wearing such a device is a form of bondage.
Gripping device that can be used to put pressure on suitable body sites, notably nipples, cunts, balls, loose body skin, and so on. Sometimes weight is added to the clamp to intensify the sensation.
Rubber, leather, or metal ring that slips around the base of the cock and balls, usually applied when the penis is flaccid. As the penis becomes erect, the ring creates a bondage sensation and prevents blood from flowing out of the penis, once it becomes engorged. Thus, sustaining the erection longer. Mistress Madeline has a wide variety of these in Her arsenal.
A device worn around the neck usually made of leather, rubber, or metal. Collaring is a ceremony in which a submissive formally accepts the Dominant's collar and becomes officially owned. It is the BDSM equivalent of a wedding, and is sometimes witnessed by friends and other people friendly to the lifestyle. Collars are worn by many submissives in scenes, but they are not necessarily formally collared (owned).
Refers to the activities of caning, paddling, flogging, whipping, and spanking. Often implies some form of role-play in which the bottom is punished, especially re-enactments of real life corporal punishment situations, such as a naughty schoolboy being caned by his teacher.
A close fitting, boned, supporting undergarment that is often hooked and laced and that extends from above or beneath the bust or from the waist to below the hips and often has garters attached. Both male and female corset fetishists enjoy modifying the shape of their torso and, sometimes, hips and thighs through the use of a corset. Readily available, they have become a popular piece of fetish attire.
An item of bondage furniture, usually constructed of wood. It is often equipped with extra fixtures, for binding a person, particularly in preparation for flogging and whipping scenes. The familiar straight cross is known as a St. George's cross. An X-shaped cross is known as a St. Andrew's cross.
Dressing in clothing usually worn by the opposite sex. In a sexual context, it can be carried out as a sexual thrill in itself, in which case it is known as transvestitism. However, it is also employed in power and humiliation games, and seems most common in the heterosexual BDSM scene, where male bottoms are instructed to wear female clothing and even wigs and makeup by female tops.
Also known as stomping. An S&M/fetish activity in which the bottom is aroused by the Dominant crushing objects with his/her bare feet, shoes, or boots. The objects range from food to household items. Edgy crushing fetishists fantasize about having their cock and, particularly, balls crushed by a Dominant. Unfortunately, some even enjoy seeing living beings crushed.
Acronym for cunt torture. Any form of intense stimulation inflicted on the female genitals.
A term used to describe a male submissive who likes Bears.
A metal, rubber, or leather bondage item that locks around an ankle, thumb, thigh, wrist, etc. As a verb, to place someone in such an item.
The placing of suction devices on the skin, once used to draw blood to the surface for medical leeching, but now sometimes used in scenes to sensitize the skin, particularly nipples. Rubber suction cups, found in snakebite kits, are often used. Other devices include plastic or glass cups with tubes through which the air can be sucked out. Be aware that this activity can cause welts.
Slitting the surface of the skin with a sharp blade for the sensation or to create decorative scars (scarification). The wound is open to infection, so treatment with antiseptics afterward is essential.
Anyone who assumes a paternal/mentoring role with a submissive or bottom and, in that role, expresses a masculine identity. Daddy/boy relationships also exist in the non-leather gay community. Among non-kinky gays, Daddy/boy relationships are generally focused on mentoring and care taking. Lesbian, bi and hetero women may take the Daddy role with their partners, if they enjoy transgender play.
Someone who is sexually attracted to someone based on a strong emotional connection.
The removal of hair. The removal of the pubic hair in both sexes makes genital stimulation and bondage techniques more practical. It is sometimes carried out on a bottom by a top, as an act of domination.
Penis shaped toy designed for insertion into the body. They may be handheld, strapped on with a harness to allow women to simulate male fucking, or held in place inside the body by a harness or clothing. Hygiene demands that you either reserve particular toys for particular people or cover them in condoms, which are changed between different people.
Like many S&M terms, used rather loosely, but usually refers to the imposition of rules of behavior on the bottom in domination scenes and the punishments used to enforce them.
A woman or man who assumes sexual (and possibly more far-reaching) control over a submissive partner.
The act of controlling a submissive. This may be done in any way that the Dominant and submissive have agreed upon.
Refers specifically to the professional female dominant who charges for staging scenes where she dominates mainly male clients. Some are renowned for their knowledge and skill at both the psychological and physical aspects of S&M techniques and a number have made valuable contributions to the BDSM community.
Acronym for dominance and submission. Also written as DS, D/S, or D/s. May be used interchangeably with B&D or S&M; or it may be used to refer to a power relationship, where one partner is the sexual dominant and the other is the submissive.
Any space set aside for S&M activity, public or private, and furnished with some S&M equipment. Not all dungeons have large scale equipment. Home dungeons, because of space limitations, may have only small toys.
S&M which is on the "edge" of safety. No area of S&M raises more controversy, as a good number of people feel that no one should walk the edge. Others, obviously, disagree. Examples of edge-play are cutting, play piercing, and branding.
Also known as electro-torture. The use of electricity (low power) for stimulation. Can be very safe or very dangerous. Get trained before trying this! NEVER use it above the waist, as it could effect the submissive's heart rate.
Opiate-like peptides produced by the body when under stress or pain. Like morphine, endorphins raise the pain threshold and produce sedation and euphoria. During some BDSM play these chemicals produce a state of pleasure and ecstasy, sometimes referred to as "subspace."
A thorough anal douche. A lubricated tube is pushed into the rectum. The tube is attached to a bag filled with water and, sometimes, soap. The liquid flows into the colon. Sometimes there is a small balloon at the tip of the enema tube, which can be inflated to help keep the water inside.
Usually refers specifically to a feminine lesbian (may also be known as a "lipstick lesbian").
A substance, object, or body part which is sexually exciting. Sometimes a fetishist may need the presence of the fetish to induce sexual arousal.
The act of inserting a piece of ginger root into the anus or vagina. The ginger causes an intense burning sensation and discomfort to the subject. The ginger is not only skinned but is often carved into the shape of a butt plug. If the submissive tightens the muscles of the anus, the sensation becomes more intense.
Also known as fist fucking, FF, or handballing. Placing or attempting to place the whole hand (or even both hands) into the rectum or vagina. In fact, the hand is only formed into a fist, if at all, once it is fully inserted, a process that requires a great deal of gentleness, care, and patience. Moving the fist repeatedly in and out of the orifice is known as punch fucking. It is a dangerous advanced technique and relatively rare.
Multi-tailed whip designed for striking the body.
Erotic interactions with feet and all forms of foot fetishism.
Also called "foot service." Oral service (licking, kissing, sucking) to feet.
When a Dominant "forces" a submissive man into feminine clothes. It is confusing to some people that this scene is described as "forced," when the submissive consented to it or even requested it.
The fetish of being turned into human furniture
A glass of urine intended for consumption by a urophagia enthusiast.
Also known as GS or piss play. It specifically means to pee on someone or to be peed on. However, the term is used generically to describe the spectrum of urine play, including ingestion, wetting one's pants (or ordering someone to wet theirs), and having one's bladder controlled (or doing the controlling) either through verbal commands or devices which prevent or cause urination.
A lifestyle or erotic power exchange relationship based on the Gor novels by John Norman.
Also known as Goth or Gothik. A lifestyle or erotic power exchange relationship associated with Medieval, Victorian, Vampiric, or mystical styles of dress, appearance, music, etc. This subculture grew out of the punk movement around 1979 with the immergence of bands like Bauhaus and Siouxsie and the Banshees, who offered music that had more grotesque, mysterious, and desolate themes (sometimes referred to as Death Rock). Think pale pierced people dressed in black, wearing silver jewelry and tattoos, sporting unnatural hair colors, and listening to Sisters of Mercy.
Someone who occasionally experiences sexual attraction, but usually not.
Someone who is sexually attracted to women.
Also known as mind play, mind games, head games, head trips, and mind fucking. This means any kind of manipulation, by the top, which heightens anticipation and fear in an emotionally masochistic bottom and thus intensifies the bottom's erotic response. This includes everything from "verbal abuse" to complex scenarios that confuse or surprise the bottom into deeper "subspace." A "mind fuck" (deliberately misleading a partner into believing something horrible is about to happen) is the deepest level of this play.
Someone who is sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex.
Someone who is sexually attracted to people of their own sex.
Any item of furniture that a bottom can be tied down to and bent over. Intended to expose the buttocks for some form of flagellation.
One who gets erotic and/or emotional pleasure from acting and/or being treated like an infant.
The fastening of genitals through piercing or sewing to prevent sexual intercourse or arousal. An extreme form of chastity for both men and women.
This describes someone who, while not necessarily kinky him or herself, is nonetheless sympathetic and supportive to kinky people. A "kink friendly therapist," for example, is someone who has a permissive view of kinky sex. "Kink friendly" is also used to describe businesses which welcome leather people as customers.
Something, such as a magazine article, which portrays kinky sex in a positive light. Also, someone who espouses positive attitudes towards sexual diversity.
Long used to refer specifically to gay or lesbian leatherpeople, but now used more generally to apply to all people committed to leather culture. Lesbian leatherwomen may also refer to themselves as leatherdykes.
When used with "the," it usually refers to "the leather lifestyle," meaning people who embrace all aspects of leather culture in their dress, sexual politics, social commitments, traditions, and sex lives. "Being in the lifestyle" is not the same as "being a lifestyler," because someone "in the lifestyle" or "in the life" could be single or otherwise uninvolved in a fulltime S&M relationship.
People who assume their dominant, submissive, top, or bottom roles as a way of life. Lifestyle relationships are role based, but not role play. Many lifestylers are not "in the lifestyle," in that they do not participate in the organized S&M Scene, but instead conduct their S&M relationships in privacy at home.
The basic set of physical or other limits that the bottom sets during negotiation. For example, if a bottom does not like anything more painful than erotic spanking, he may set a pain "limit" that rules out whippings and other intense stimuli. Dominants, too, have limits on how far they wish to go with a submissive.
The maximum edge of someone's negotiated limit. In some cases, a hard limit is a personal choice; in others, it is a necessity to safeguard the submissive's health. For example, if the submissive is allergic to latex, any latex product is a "hard limit."
By consent, submissives agree to let the Dominant push him or her to a limit and slightly beyond. Most commonly this occurs when the submissive believes his limits stem from an irrational fear that he hopes the Dominant will help him to overcome.
A fundamental ethic among kinky people is to treat limits as a sacred trust, and never to violate the submissive's trust by non-consensually exceeding their limits.
Many submissives want to see progress in their submission and hope to be able to engage in increasingly more intense sex. When Dominants consensually "stretch" limits, they guide submissives gradually to be able to reach their goal by pushing their limits. A Dominant's limits usually stretch over time, too; usually as the Dominant gains increasing self-confidence, experience, and skill with equipment.
Sexual gratification obtained by being subjected to pain or humiliation. The term was coined by a German psychologist named Krafft-Ebing; his inspiration for this term was the life of a man whose name was Leopold von Sacher-Masoch. Leopold was a Polish writer, born in 1836. Venus in Furs is the classic novel von Sacher-Masoch wrote detailing his masochist fantasies. This novel is the true story of one of von Sacher-Masoch's escapades.
One with a propensity for obtaining sexual gratification by being subjected to pain or humiliation.
A Master is a male Dominant. A Mistress is a female Dominant. Masters and Mistresses, as opposed to tops, always have power exchange relationships with their partners.
Play involving some form of medical procedure or scenario. Usually the top plays the role of a doctor or nurse and the bottom plays a patient. Typical medical scenes may involve intrusive physical examinations and the insertion of medical equipment such as a speculum, catheter, or sounds. Douching and enemas are commonly associated with this type of scene.
A specialized kind of bondage in which the whole body is wrapped tightly using materials like cling film (Saran Wrap), bandages, or tape. The bottom is completely immobilized. Holes are sometimes made for access to genitals and other areas. This form of bondage is often associated with breath play or smothering.
This term originated on the Internet, and refers to a group lunch or brunch at a public restaurant where kinky people can make new acquaintances or socialize with old friends in a low-key, pressure-free "vanilla" setting.
The art and science of reaching a clear, consensual agreement with your adult partner about the type of relationship you will have and the kinds of kinky things you will do together. Couples may re-negotiate terms periodically as their relationship evolves and their needs change. Negotiating a "scene" involves a much narrower type of dialogue, in which partners only decide on what they will do during a scene.
A novice in the BDSM scene. Few people come to the scene with no experience at all. Most have experimented on themselves or, perhaps, persuaded vanilla partners to indulge some of their desires. A good top will take a different approach to a novice bottom than to an experienced one. For successful negotiation, players should be honest about their levels of experience.
Acronym for nipple torture. Any form of intense stimulation inflicted on male or female nipples.
Someone who is sexually attracted to inanimate objects.
A flat instrument for striking the body, particularly the buttocks. Commonly used in spanking scenes and Teacher/student role play.
A heavy masochist.
The limit at which pain ceases to be pleasure and becomes undesirable for the submissive or bottom.
Someone who is sexually attracted to all people.
A political, philosophical, and social movement within the organized S&M/fetish communities which unites kinky people across orientation lines (i.e., gay, lesbian, heterosexual, bisexual, and transgendered together). This movement is fairly young, but already gaining widespread acceptance in North America. Although, the old traditions of gay-only or lesbian-only venues and events continue as well. Politically speaking, pansexuality is a way of uniting disparate S&M/fetish communities into a solid front which can more effectively fight for kinky civil rights and better educate the public about the diversity and consensuality of kinky sex. A "pansexual" event welcomes people of all orientations. "Pansexual play" means that gay and non-gay, alike, may engage in some non-sexual S&M acts together, particularly in group settings (for example, a lesbian or gay man may consent to spank members of the opposite sex at a party, though neither would sleep with or otherwise have a romantic relationship with them).
When a Dominant "forces" a male submissive to wear panties and other embarrassing bits of feminine lingerie, both to cross-dress and humiliate him.
A CBT device shaped like a cone, usually of leather or neoprene, with a hole in the center and chains or cords hanging from around the bottom rim and joined together. Used to weight the balls by placing the parachute around them with the scrotum passing down through the hole and hanging weights from the chains.
Acronym for power exchange. A relationship in which the submissive grants the Dominant consent to make erotic decisions.
An umbrella term used to describe all forms of striking. Spanking, paddling, slapping, whipping, flogging, and caning are all types of percussion play. AKA impact play.
Refers to the implantation of body jewelry (such as nipple rings).
When a dominant "forces" a male submissive to wear ruffled slips, both to cross-dress and humiliate him.
A popular term to describe kinky encounters. "Players" usually means lifestylers or people with Scene experience. "Heavy players" or "hardcore players" are those who prefer intense S&M.
Generally refers to anyone with whom one has BDSM encounters, but more specifically implies a casual, for-kinky-sex only friendship and not a committed, romantic relationship.
A form of radical S&M play in which needles or other piercing implements are temporarily inserted in flesh, either as part of a ritual (sometimes spiritual) or for the erotic pleasure of the pain it brings.
Alternate term for a dungeon. Any space regularly used for S&M scenes.
The submissive or bottom who plays the role of a horse in an animal play relationship.
The consensual transfer of power by the submissive to the Dominant. The exchange takes place when the returned energy from the Dominant empowers the submissive. Put more simply, what happens in a BDSM scene when the bottom agrees to be submissive and/or gives up control to the top.
The submissive or bottom who plays a dog in an animal play relationship.
Also known as a greedy sub or someone who tops from the bottom. Usually used playfully in reference to a submissive who likes a lot of play, and will act naughty to get the Dominant to take action. It can also be used to refer to submissives who push so hard that they turn Dominants off.
When a female Dominant sits astride a person's face and forces her cunt into their mouth and nose. Could be simply for cunnilingus or practiced as a form of breath control.
Item of bondage furniture consisting of a horizontal platform or table with fixing points allowing someone to be stretched out on their back or front with easy access all around.
Short whip with a loop of leather on the end intended for use on horses but very useful and adaptable on humans, too.
Also known as giving a rim job or "tossing salad." Mouth contact with the anus, including insertion of the tongue inside it. More common than you might think in vanilla sex. In BDSM it may be as a form of service performed on a top by a bottom. But, in view of the intensity of the sensation, it could go either way. Hygiene precautions should be observed with this activity. Unless the area is cleaned thoroughly, including enemas, there is likely to be scat around, which may, of course, be the object of the exercise.
Acronym for real life.
The cheapest, most widely available and most versatile bondage device. Medium thickness nylon rope is usually preferred by beginners.
After leather, easily the most popular fetish material. It tends to be more popular in Europe, where items can be obtained fairly inexpensively. In the US it is very expensive. It mainly takes the form of clothing, hoods, and bondage items made out of latex sheeting. As with leather, black is the most popular color.
Acronym for "real time." A term which came from the Internet to distinguish "real" (in the flesh) from online or email relationships.
Sexual gratification obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others. This word is derived from the Marquis de Sade, a French nobleman whose perverse sexual preferences and erotic writings gave rise to this term.
One with a propensity for obtaining sexual gratification by inflicting pain or humiliation.
Also called stop word, stop code, or safety code. This is a word or expression that partners agree upon, which gives the bottom the right to stop the action. A "safe gesture" is used if the submissive or bottom is gagged or otherwise incapable of speaking.
A form of edge play in which IV grade saline, a sterile mixture of pure salt and water (not to be confused with contact lens saline), is injected into the labia, scrotum, or breasts. Swelling and increased sensation results. The saline is compatible with the body and is absorbed by the tissues after several hours.
Acronym for "smart ass masochist." A bottom or submissive who likes to verbally tease and otherwise act feisty with a Dominant, usually in hopes of a little extra discipline.
Someone who is sexually attracted to someone based on intelligence.
Also known as scat play, refers to excrement. Poop, to put it more plainly. This may include enemas, brown showers, watching or being watched while expelling, being ordered to soil one's pants (or ordering someone), and (yes, I'm afraid so) eating poop. You can't eat poop without putting yourself at risk of disease. It is true that some people who do this don't get sick. Some people who step in front of speeding cars don't get run over, either. Human feces (unlike urine) is, by its very nature, infested with bacteria. Bacteria is what breaks food down and turns it into waste in our alimentary canals. Those bacteria remain alive in our waste after our bodies eliminate it. A bacterial infection transmitted by ingesting feces can be FATAL! There is no absolute way to protect yourself against getting one. It is purely luck of the draw, so to speak. Therefore, ingestion, while a perfectly acceptable fantasy, can never be acted out with a guarantee of safety.
There are several definitions for this word. The Scene (always with a capital S) refers to the S&M/fetish/leather worlds. To "be in the Scene" means that one participates, even if only nominally, in organized events and considers oneself a member of this subculture. To be "out in the Scene" means that you are a known player. A scene (always with a lowercase S) refers to one's kink or fetish, as in "My scene is feet" (i.e., the person has a foot fetish). A scene (also with a lowercase S) refers to a time limited S&M encounter; the synonym of session (see below). "I did a hot bondage scene with him." To scene: unfortunately for those of us who are sticklers on grammar, another definition is "to do S&M," as in "I scened with her the other day" or "I'll be scening with him next week." Good God! It's as bad as "ain't."
Professional Dominants refer to their time with a client as a "session." The term has, however, spread out into the general community to refer to any time limited S&M encounter. ("I had a great session with her at the club last night.")
Knives, razors, or any other instruments used in edge-play.
May also be called sissy slut. Refers to a submissive male cross-dresser or a male submissive who is panty trained, even though he is not actually a transvestite. A "sissy maid" is a male, cross-dressed in a maid's uniform, who performs household duties and otherwise serves his Dominant.
A percussion instrument with a hinged second surface to produce extra loud noise on contact.
Once used more generally for an S&M bottom, this is now becoming limited to refer to a submissive in a long term D/s relationship. The slave commits to a total power exchange in which the Dominant's power goes beyond the realm of sex and enters daily affairs. There are also those that believe, to be a slave, the sub should have no limits and give up their right to a safe word.
A document written cooperatively by the Dominant and the submissive in which the negotiated terms of their relationship are set out in clear language. Contracts are usually term-limited: 3 months, 6 months, a year. Some couples sign permanent contracts, vowing a lifetime commitment.
Acronym for sadism and masochism. Also written as SM, S/M, and S/m. The abbreviation for sadomasochism, the derivation of sexual pleasure from the infliction of physical or mental pain either on others or on oneself.
An S&M/fetish activity in which the bottom is aroused by the sight, smell, touch, or taste of the Dominant's smoking. Often submissives enjoy it when dominants blow smoke on them, particularly in their face. Some smoking fetishists like to role play as the top's ashtray.
Hitting someone with the palm of the hand, typically on the buttocks, as a form of corporal punishment. A similar physical effect can be achieved by using a paddle. Some spanking purists argue that proper spanking is done with the hand only.
Acronym for safe, sane, and consensual. It is the fundamental ethical standard of kinky sex. It means that all activity between adults should be "safe" (no form of pain or stimulation that causes harm), "sane" (with respect for both body and mind), and consensual (all partners involved are adults who are able to give informed consent).
A woman or man who yields sexual (and possibly more far reaching) control to a dominant partner.
The act of yielding to the control of a Dominant.
The euphoric, detached state that submissives experience in service to (or during a scene with) their Dominant. Commonly attributed to the rush of endorphins experienced by a submissive during play.
Someone who switches D/s roles. It can apply to someone who switches roles with one partner (sometimes being on top, sometimes being on bottom); or to someone who switches according to the natural dynamic between several partners (for example, someone may be exclusively dominant with one partner and exclusively submissive with a different partner). Also includes people who primarily take one role, but will switch on special occasions or with certain people only. A person that switches from dominant to submissive from scene to scene or within a scene.
Someone who has a fetish for serving the Dominant's toilet habits or who has a fetish for being ordered to clean or worship toilets. May also refer to someone who wishes to role play as a toilet.
A person who gives pain or bondage in an S&M scene, but who may or may not have a power relationship with the bottom. Also used as a verb ("to top").
Refers to the clueless attitude some tops or dominants develop when their egos get so big that they offend and insult others. One form would be the delusion that being dominant means one has the right to command all the submissives one meets. Another is the delusion that the top is infallible.
Adult toys, particularly ones used for S&M play, both large scale and small equipment. Everything from anal lube to zappers.
The acronym for "total power exchange," usually referring to a lifestyle relationship in which the submissive grants the Dominant blanket consent to make all decisions, erotic and otherwise.
An S&M/fetish activity in which the bottom is aroused by the Dominant walking or standing on him/her. Often submissives enjoy it when dominants stand on their face or genitalia. Some trampling fetishists like to role play as the top's doormat.
Abbreviated nickname for transsexual. Commonly refers to a male-to-female transsexual, usually pre-operative.
The ardent male suitors of male-to-female transsexuals. Generically, anyone with a fetish for transgenderists.
Someone who either enjoys or needs to express an opposite sex identity. Biological males who have female identities are called male-to-female or m-t-f. Biological females who have male identities are female-to-male or f-t-m.
Also known as TV or cross-dresser. Sometimes abbreviated to "X-dresser" in writing. Someone (usually male), who finds emotional and/or erotic gratification wearing opposite sex clothing. Many, but not all, transvestites are aroused by the clothes and shoes themselves. It is estimated that roughly 2-3% of all men cross-dress. The vast majority of transvestites are heterosexual males. "Drag queens" are gay men who cross-dress to seduce other men and "female impersonators" are cabaret performers. With rare exceptions, neither drag queens nor female impersonators are aroused by the clothes themselves.
Also known as TS. Sometimes abbreviated "Tranny." Someone who believes s/he was born in the wrong sex body, and often seeks to make physical changes. It is estimated the one out of every 30,000 men and one out of every 100,000 women are transsexual. A "pre-operative transsexual" is someone who has taken some steps towards change--hormone therapy, breast implants (for male-to-female) or breast removal (for female-to-male), electrolysis, plastic surgery--but has not yet had "sexual reassignment surgery" (the medical procedure which alters genitalia). A "post-operative transsexual" is someone who has completed the process by undergoing surgery to change her or his sex and, from then on, lives as a full-fledged member of the opposite sex. Some transsexuals do not want sexual reassignment surgery and instead opt to live as hermaphrodites, with the secondary characteristics of both sexes. The slang, but not necessarily flattering, terms for male-to-female hermaphrodites are "chicks with dicks" and "she-males."
The BDSM emblem. The three divisions represent the various threesomes of BDSM. First of all, the divisions of BDSM itself; B&D, D&S, and S&M. Secondly, the creed of BDSM behavior; safe, sane, and consensual. Lastly, the three divisions of the BDSM community; dominants, submissives, and switches. The holes represent the incompleteness of any individual within the BDSM context. There remains a void within individuals that can only be filled by a complimentary other. BDSM cannot be done alone. The metal color of the medallion represents the chains of BDSM Ownership/servitude. The three inner fields are black, representing a celebration of the controlled dark side of BDSM sexuality. The all-embracing circle represents the unity of it all and the oneness of a community that protects its own.
Acronym for tit torture. Any form of intense stimulation inflicted on female breasts.
A paraphilia in which sexual excitement is associated with the sight or thought of urine or urination.
The drinking of urine.
A non-kinky person. It can apply to any heterosexual or homosexual who does not care for kinky sex. There are two differing roots for this term. Some claim it refers to the plainness of "vanilla ice cream" (as opposed to those who like more adventurous flavors). Others believe it comes from techno-culture, where a "vanilla" PC means a very basic machine, without bells and whistles.
Also known as VA. This refers to the cruel or mocking insults and threats that a sadistic top will shower on an emotionally masochistic bottom to push him or her further into subspace. It is the linguistic and emotional (as opposed to physical) version of pain play.
Acronym for wet and messy. A form of play that utilizes any wet or messy substance, such as mud, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, milk, or water.
A general category which includes golden showers, enemas, and other erotic interactions involving body waste.
Hot wax is dripped or poured onto the submissive's flesh by the Dominant. A pre-application of oil or lube will prevent burns to the skin. Ordinary household candles should not be used, as they burn too hot. Specially made candles are readily available online or in adult stores.
Acronym for "What it is that we do." This term was spawned on the Internet, where it gained popularity as the best single way to refer, non-judgmentally, to the wide variety of ways people do kinky sex.